No More Panty Hose

photo courtesy of "Just My Size"

Mrs. T. and I drive to yoga together every Tuesday after work. Well, she drives, and I thumb a ride. We're nearing our one year anniversary of yogic carpooling and would you believe that she doesn't even make me help pay for gas? Shoot, she even lets me have a piece of gum too (she keeps a pack in her car at all times). Now that's a good friend if you ask me.

They're doing some repairs on Peachtree Street near our office, so lately we've found ourselves stuck in traffic as soon as we leave the building. It's no problem though; we put this time to good use by chatting about pretty much anything. So this past Tuesday, we blabbed about the good old days that weren't so good - the days of panty hose. I can't recall the last time that I put those God-awful things on my gams but sure enough, I still have some in my drawer, way at the back, that I'm holding onto for a reason only known to my subconscious mind. Do drag queens even wear hosiery anymore? I doubt it.

We both recalled some specific things about "nylons" as we called them. My memories included always having to buy the "Queen" size with the "control top". Afterall, I wouldn't want my beer belly hanging out. And I generally went for the "reinforced toe" rather than the "sandalfoot" - less chance of getting a run. But oh what a drama if you did get a run in your stockings. You either had to try to do a major spackling job with clear nail polish or pray that you had stashed a spare pair in your desk drawer at work. Mrs. T. even knew of women who did the "double up". I had never heard of this but the idea is if you get a run in one leg of the panty hose, you cut that leg off. Then when another pair gets a run in just one leg, you cut that off too. You then can wear one leg from each pair. Why didn't I think of that?

I also had trouble with the panty hose color choices. Back when I actually wore them, I was a pretty tan chick. The "nude" color was way too white for me and the "suntan" color was really not so close either. I can't even imagine what my black co-workers did back then - I'm sure they weren't pleased with the suggestion that the "nude" color was something their naked skin even came close to resembling.

Nylons could also be tricky when you were in a hurry. Take for example the poor former co-worker of mine who high-tailed it from her front row seat at a wedding ceremony to make a quick trip to the restroom. Upon her return, she walked almost the entire length of the church sanctuary with her dress tucked into the back of her panty hose before someone flagged her down.

Almost worse than the panty hose themselves were the clothes and shoes that went along with them. Shoulder pads and high heels - need I say more? Oh wait, remember the "L'eggs" brand that some marketing genius decided to package in an egg-shaped container? Now, that's enough said.... well, besides "viva la business casual".

Don't fly away...

FIRST THINGS FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOC. B.!!!!!!!!
We jogged in the Georgia heat for 43 minutes this morning - in honor of Doc. B.'s 43rd year on earth. We're usually off in cooler climates at this time of the year (such as Montana or Michigan). But since we have our trip to the Northeast planned for early September, here we are, enduring the sweltering temperatures while listening to the cicadas who clearly have no problem with this heat - just makes their tune louder it seems!

Okay, now to the planned post:

Last Sunday, the only semi-cool day we've had in what seems like months, I hung the second of my three hummingbird feeders. I've had one in the backyard for a couple of weeks and have enjoyed watching a playful pair dive bomb each other to get to the feeder first. Last year on my birthday, Doc.W., who works with Doc. B., gave me the pictured copper and glass globe feeder. When I was cleaning it out at the end of last season, I accidentally broke the tube where the feed comes out. But low and behold, there is a chemist in the family who has access to stuff like that back at the lab. So, how many Ph.D. chemists does it take to bend a glass tube to repair my broken one? It's my understanding that it took three. This included the company's analytical chemist, vice president and president. Well, there was at least input from all of them so the rumor goes.

So my original plan last Sunday was to hang the feeder and then lounge on the porch swing with an intention of finishing the current book I'm reading, "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I only got a chapter or two under my belt when the hummingbirds showed up to fight over the sugar and water mixture. Of course I couldn't let this moment pass -I carefully tip-toed back into the house to find the digital camera and get one of these cute little birdies on film - well, not film, but you know what I mean. I decided to give up on the book and just sit quietly to watch the hummingbirds. I was mesmerized like I always am when there are birds, but especially hummingbirds, in our yard.

It's been a week and I still haven't finished the book, but there are some very happy hummingbirds I've been able to enjoy instead - when we haven't been out celebrating Doc. B.'s birthday that is!

Get Your Mad On

Does it seem to you lately that more people than not are in some sort of a low grade depressive, angry state? It does to me. We have over two more years of George, we’ll probably have to endure another military draft by the time my nieces and nephews are 18, and World War III is likely in my lifetime sooner than later. What’s not to be mad about?

A friend admitted yesterday that he and his partner were just sick of everyone and they didn’t know what to do about it. They keep quoting Elaine from Seinfeld: "people, huh, they’re the worst".

And just pulling up today’s headlines make you wonder what the heck is going on in our mad, mad world:
"Crazy person stabs man to death"
"Standoff ends, man arrested in shower"
"Police taser naked man"
"McKinney aide scuffles with photographer"
And my personal favorite: George Bush saying that today’s airline terror plot is a stark reminder that we are at war. Does he really think we need a reminder?

As much as Cynthia McKinney drives me crazy, she does know how to get mad. I guess that’s what the therapist types call your "shadow self" – when someone’s actions bother you way too much, you need to look inside yourself to find out why. Cynthia is one of our Georgia congresswomen who just went down in voter flames. At her "concession rally", she was caught on camera singing along (albeit off key) with Pink's "Dear Mr. President". You gotta love that. After playing the Pink song, rather than giving a traditional concession speech, she took the opportunity to bust the chops of the POTUS (that’s secret service speak for President of the United States) regarding the war. Cynthia’s been quoted as saying "Ever since I came to Congress in 1992, there are those who have been trying to silence my voice. I've been told to 'sit down and shut up' over and over again. Well, I won't sit down and I won't shut up until the full and unvarnished truth is placed before the American people." My guess is that we’ll be hearing from her again soon. And frankly, I hope so; she's great blog fodder at a minimum. Cynthia's Swan Song

So I’ve been trying to pay better attention to what makes me mad and what I then do with that anger. This is going to be a long process since getting mad is not really something I do. Since being more attuned to this, what I noticed rather quickly is that I get annoyed an awful lot, but I don’t really get raging mad. If anyone ever asked me if I had anger issues, I would respond with a resounding "no". If I don’t get angry, I don’t have anger issues, do I?

I’m guessing it’s kind of a Midwestern thing – that old "keep your emotions to yourself" and the "if you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all". One of the first things I noticed in moving to the south (after learning that a blessing is said before every meal, even if you are attending a work lunch function), is that we Yankees don’t know how to get mad. Southerners have a way of being able to smother their anger in pure Black Strap Molasses while still being direct. They have perfected the ability to call you a bitch to your face but then somehow lighten the blow by wrapping it up in a "bless your heart".

But for me, I doubt I’ll ever be the type to get angry right in someone’s face; it’s just not part of my DNA. So my challenge is to figure out a way to vent my anger, and more often my annoyances, in a personal way. To find a way to get rid of it so that it’s not all stuck inside eating at my stomach lining or splattered all over someone else in a fit of rage.

So I’ve been getting suggestions on how to do this. Here are a few of the ideas that have been floated:

• Go to the batting cages or the driving range and smack the life out of those softballs or golf balls
• Take up kick boxing or karate
• Spend an hour just writing all of my anger out on paper, uncensored, and then burn it
• Crank out some head-banging music and dance around until I tire myself out
• Go to big lots, purchase the cheapest set of glass dishes I can find, then go find an empty dumpster and smash them all to pieces one by one

Now that I have some ideas, I need to pick a couple and then plan for it. I’m leaning toward this combination: I write down my anger for an hour while listening to Metallica, Marilyn Manson and The Smashing Pumpkins, and I take occasional breaks from my writing to jump up and down in my own personal mosh pit. Don't those sound like healthy choices? Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall and witness this?

I think I will need a "calm down" plan for what to do when this hour is over. I guess I better get more suggestions for that AND pick a day when poor Doc. B. won’t have to walk in on this!