Monday, August 08, 2011

Does Matter Matter?

Urdhva Dhanurasana (Wheel)

Due to the love/hate relationship I have with MARTA, I’ve often referred to it as my “inconvenient truth.” This past Friday, I found myself in one of the love phases. Not because it was actually on time. It wasn’t. Not because nobody had their pants so low to the ground that there were Calvin Klein underware in my face. They did. Not because the train was on autopilot (versus the stop and go, jerking motion, throw-up inducing ride caused by the Conductor actually operating the train). It wasn’t. So what was it that put my heart in the I love MARTA zone? Drum roll please… I was the thinnest person in my train car.


Normally I don’t pay much attention to my size in comparison to the rest of the world. I just figure my figure is full, I can be skinny if I want to be hard on myself, and my BMI is under the overweight category of 25 – 29.9 (so what if it’s just barely under, right?). But doing Ashtanga/Mysore yoga for the past 2 months has been a cause for pause on the matter matter. I would bet my first born child, okay - the money I would have spent on a first born child during its lifetime - that I weigh more than anyone in the class, male or female. I have to admit that it’s been a little disconcerting to see myself in this way. Yeah, yeah, I’ve had my weight issues, but for the most part I’ve been able to stay at my current weight, give or take a few pounds, for about ten years. Do I feel better when I’m at the lower end of those few pounds? Sure I do. Am I usually okay with being at the upper end of those few pounds? Sure I am. From what I know, I haven’t lost any sleep, friends, money or happiness over the issue.

And this isn’t really about comparing myself to the people with whom I practice Ashtanga. It’s just a fact that I didn’t really think about or acknowledge until good old MARTA put it in my face like a smelly armpit. It is what it is.

That being said, one more thanks to my Ashtanga Yoga Atlanta teachers. It’s where I spend most of my energy right now so bear with me. Then I promise to go back to my old frivolous blog-writing modus operandi.  Todd and Stephanie treat me just like any other new person that comes into the studio. They put up with smelly armpits as they help people (me) into Marichyasana C and D (a scrunched up kind of twist). They believe even chunky girls can do Urdhva Dhanurasana (picured above, that I could never do as a little girl let alone an adult - but all those University of Michigan-bound gymnastics girls COULD do it while simultaneously skipping rope, doing cartwheels and playing jacks). It's clear that my new teachers just flat out seem to believe in and support everyone whether they are new, experienced, thin, fat, or somewhere in between.

I’ve paid for month 3 in advance – so no turning back until at least September!

Wish me luck.  Or better yet, join me?

3 comments:

Doc B said...

So fun to learn about your yoga practice through the Blue Mailbox MBP : ) Congrats on your first ever urdhva dhanurasana! Very good karma for your next yoga life!! Shanti & Mariska Hargitay to you.

stephanie francesca said...

Carrie, again, I'm so impressed with your candor. Really inspiring that you're willing to share these thoughts and experiences. I feel incredibly blessed to be a part of the process.

Years of practicing and teaching yoga has shown me repeatedly that there's far less correlation between body type and physical ability (and even less between physical and mental abilities) than we usually expect. I used to doubt myself constantly because I don't match the stereotypical yoga body.

Then I realized ashtanga is about breathing, about stretching the mind even more than the body. I believe that we're capable of far more than we can even imagine.

So at some point you'll have to replace that cartoon with an actual photo of you! (And perhaps with some other friends, too!)

Care said...

Shanti and Mariska Hargitay to both of you! thank you for your comments and your support of me AND my practice. Hugs to both of you!