The Ridiculous Things

Now that I'm sober for the first time in 72 hours (no, not really mom), I can finally sit back and reflect on my first three days of vacationing all by my little, middle-aged, self. I started off with wonderful visions of reading, writing, sleeping in, exercising, basking in the sun, eating well, drinking low calorie beer during the day, drinking wine at night and just plain pampering myself. Most of those things have in fact been done, and even overdone, but this is my first time sitting down to write. And I'm only doing it because I thought the movie (Sunshine Cleaners) was at 4:30 - but when I got there I found out it started at 4:00 and they were already beyond the previews. Well, it's not that I haven't done ANY writing, I made a few notes in the very cool "reverse book" Doc. B. got me as a bon voyage gift but I hadn't done anything with the notes or written anything substantial.


Truth is, I've spent way too much time trying to get onto the internet. It's really almost sick. According to my statistical measurements, I can only get onto the web once every 18th attempt. Yeah, I'd say that qualifies as moderate to severe obsessive compulsive disorder complicated by generlized anxiety disorder and resulting in a major depressive disorder. It's again almost sick - the elated feeling I get when I am able to get onto the web. So this time, I decided I had to at least do something with all of the notes I'd made on the pages of my going away gift.


Interestingly, the notes had a common theme - ridiculous things. It all started because of the early Saturday Farmer's (Morningside) Market trip I made with Doc. B. before heading off on my vacation. I witnessed something I'd never seen before at a farmer's market - haggling. Doc. B. was chatting it up with one of the vendors about how to cook fiddlehead ferns while another customer was holding up a bag of beautiful field greens that were clearly marked $4.00. The customer had the nerve to say "Will you take $3.00 for these?" I looked at the vendor intently wondering what his response would be but instead I witnessed him become speechless. After a pause, the vendor said, "I guess so?" But then, the even more ridiculous thing was that the customer handed the vendor a ten dollar bill, collected his $7.00 in change and walked off with his chest high in air. I couldn't resist, I had to ask the vendor if he had ever experienced a bargaining customer before - he had to admit that he had not. But he brushed it off saying that he had 50 more of those bags in his truck and that he was hopeful that he'd sell them all that day. I just couldn't get past the fact that these are farmers who truck in their goods every weekend and may or may not make a decent living - depending on knowledge, mother nature, God, luck, or whatever/whomever they rely on to bring them a good crop. And of course, I didn't know anything about the customer, maybe he had just lost his job or was down on his luck - but come on, to haggle a farmer's market vendor out of a dollar? Ridiculous.



So here are more ridiculous things that I found in my notes::


That in 1983, a police officer tried to give me a speeding ticket for going 70 in a 55. At least he let me go when I said "Sir, I'm in a Ford Pinto, I don't think it even goes 55 let alone 70." I think I heard him chuckle as he was walking back to the cruiser. I guess he figured I might actually have a leg to stand on in court.



That it only took me 5 minutes of sitting down by the beachside pool to overhear the codes to every access gate in our complex, Sea Pines and Shipyard.



Reading a Nora Roberts book in your book club. Come on! Yes, I spent a joyous time down on the deck listening to the conversation of three women from Ohio and this was just one of the comments that made me almost want to laugh out loud. But I didn't because I wanted to keep eavesdropping - it was like watching a movie.



Talking louder to deaf people or foreign language speakers - like that's going to help. There were some French speakers in line in front of me at Subway and every time the sandwich maker didn't get a quick answer, she said it louder..."DO YOU WANT YOUR SANDWICH TOASTED?" If English were not my native language, I might know the words for subway toppings but I don't know if I would know the word for toasted?



That during my drive to Hilton Head, I listened to the entire length of a country song called "Tequila Makes her Clothes Fall off."



That Tiger Woods has to explain his losses to the media. Could you imagine if you had to justify your workday failures to the media?



Jogging in a Michigan State University t-shirt and saying good morning to two chatting walkers in UNC t-shirts and they don't even acknowledge me - sore winners!



That some old gas passing, cigar smoking, loud snoring man decided to sit on a beach chair right next to me when there were several other vacant options.



The beach deck chorus of the aforementioned snoring combined with cell phones ringing, messages texting, loud tallking, and bad singing (to whatever 80's song was playing on the iPod stuck in one woman's ear).




Thank goodness for the ocean breezes, the tree leaves blowing, the waves crashing and the kites flying! I hope you all are enjoying days filled with ridiculous things - like no power at our house in Atlanta :(