As I wrap things up on the computer before meeting Doc. B. in the love pit for an episode of Grey's Anatomy, I'm realizing how much I still miss the HBO winner, "Six Feet Under." No t.v. show since has been able to replace the 6'U addiction I had. The photos alone speak for themselves. Don't tell me you can't physically feel the anguish and despair by simply glancing at that photo of Claire? And if you were going to live a life of social alienation, wouldn't you want to spend it driving around in a lime green hearse? It's just not the same with Meredith Grey and her ditzy Seattle Grace cohorts (Okay, it has a diffent appeal; I usually cry at the end of each episode, but it's still not the same).
So as is typical with this blog thing, it's just a big old stream of consciousness. Missing 6'U made me think of death. And death made me think of coroners. And since my mind won't stop with the plays on words, I went directly to "Memories, like the 'coroners' of my mind."
It's all because of that damn Facebook. Thanks a million ex-boyfriend for wanting to show me pictures of your new wife and making me sign up for Facebook just to see them. And thanks a lot baby sis for pushing me further into social networking darkness.
If you had asked me a couple of months ago to name 80 people that I know, I might have been able to come up with 35. But now, I have 80 friends ranging from Dolly Parton to two people I'd never heard of before they asked me to be their friend. It's a little unsettling.
But what's even more unsettling are the memories that get churned up each time I see the name of an old buddy or high school classmate pop up in a friend request. Some of the memories are pleasant and good, while others are not so palatable or totally gone. But either way the memories are there. There's a history with each and every facebook friend I have, well except for the two people I've never met. And yes, if you're wondering, I even have a history with Dolly Parton. She and I go way back and Pigeon Forge is on my "must visit" list. Who didn't love her in "9 to 5" and in the last season of "American Idol?" And who could forget that famous quote from Steel Magnolias: "Smile! It increases your face(book) value!"
If I were (subjunctively) worried about what people think, I guess I would have quickly undergone plastic surgery on my face(book) to remove the unwanted excess; or at least have had a little micro-derm abrasion. But since I'm not savvy enough to know how to limit what people can and can't read in my profile, I guess it's all out there. I'm figuring if someone wants to be my friend, they can handle my truths.
But that being said, its one thing to write "25 random things" about yourself for your true pals to read but it's another to have 80 of your "closest" friends read that stuff. Not that Dolly Parton cares about my 25 things, or that anyone does for that matter. But do I really want the high school boyfriend who dumped me over 20 years ago to read them? Or the friend who put me in my place when I called her "Carolyn" vs. "Carol" to read them (name changed to protect the innocent)? Or the high school classmate who I cheated off of in the 10th grade to read them? Or the high school classmate who I don't even remember and had to look up in the yearbook to read them?
It took me to age 44 to get here, but it has finally sunk in. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I can just be me and if others don't like it, I guess they can block me on facebook or give me the cold shoulder in real life...if I ever even see them again (perhaps at the Stagecoach in Marshall).
NOTE: If you are reading this by invite - it's all good. You are not the boyfriend that dumped me, you are not "carol," I did not cheat off of you and I remember you :)
7 comments:
Okay, I'm the first comment. Yeeha! I'm laughing cause its a damn good thing you never cheated off my school work. It would have really lowered your grade. And I'm with ya on Dolly Parton, she's just got the all - good vibe. And Carol sounds like an ass. Smiles. Love ya & hi to Dr B.
Did I mention there is a prize for the first comment on any blog entry? You must see me in person to receive the prize :) xoxo Ms. Mimms!!!
In betwixt, I went down to the dock and watched an exquisite sunset that left the sky baked in a deep pink, red, purple...that really needs its very own crayola color name. I'm feeling lovely and lucky to be on the earth and that is a rockin thing. Here's to being ourselves, just as we are...wait, I just remembered someone wrote (I'll find it in an old journal and tell you who) - The definition of style is being who you are and not giving a damn.
Ms. O, you are an incredible writer, and it is alive with talent! In reference to Facebook, you captured sentiments that are mark on for me. People are coming out of the woodwork to find me, it seems, and with some of them, I suffer some trepidation at the thought of them knowing so much about me. Ex-bf's and yes, ex-gf's have found me. And then there are the classmates from high school, some of which are radical, conservative religious gurus who may find my lifestyle a bit- shall we say- unconventional. But I can not worry about what those folks think. I am still waiting to be removed as a friend by some of them (would that be de-faced?), but that is all about them. I can't wait for your next edition! You rock! Love you, girl!
I love you back MB! Thanks for your comments...it's really good to know that I'm not alone!!!!
You have a gift.
You can put to pen what many of us think but can't quite crystallize into coherent sentences. I really enjoy reading your work, because what I read helps me to put into words my own feelings about shared events and common concerns.
And as far as what people think of your life, your experiences, your choices, remember that the only real opinion that matters is your own. People respect confidence and honesty above all other core beliefs. The ability to openly admit failures while continuing to grow towards a stronger you is what - above all else - attracts people to you. The more pride and content you feel for yourself, the more people will respect you in spite of your self-perceived shortcomings. Keep moving closer to fine.
"How you feel is your fault"
- Mark Horstman
VERY well said brother Tom. You are the published author in the family, so reading those words from you is a huge compliment. And I love the quote - how you feel is your fault - it fits. Cheers to moving closer to fine...
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