Musical Irony

The day after Thanksgiving, I returned to work to find that the piped in "mew-zack" had already been changed to Christmas tunes. I'm certain that last year they at least waited until December. During the year the music changes monthly from jazz to classical to Broadway show tunes. But it switched to Santa songs a bit too soon for my co-workers and me.

We'd already been complaining about it, but this past Saturday's overtime work day was a scary preview of the month ahead. Here's how it literally played out:

5:50am "Lorraine" arrives for her first ever Saturday overtime work and says "the lights aren't even turned on and yet the Christmas music is already playing?"

I say "yeah, get used to it; the music never stops. If you have to use the restroom, it'll be dark until the lights come on at 6:00am, but at least you'll have music playing while you're in there."

Lorraine says, "great, I thought I could get away from it for at least one day".

6:00am the lights come on, computer access is miraculously granted, and Kenny G's clarinet is blasting out "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas."

Lorraine says "we heard this one twice yesterday."

I say: "I'm pretty sure we heard it three times yesterday."

6:15am Lou Rawls' version of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" is heard by all we faithful employees. Lorraine and I ponder the thought of getting up on our desks to turn down the overhead speaker even though we've been told we can't do that - because then we won't be able to hear if there is an emergency in the building. I think to myself "the people running for the stairs would be a good enough sign of an emergency for me."

7:00am building maintenance announces through the overhead speakers that they will be testing the emergency systems in the building. See, if we had turned down the music, we wouldn't have known that. Gee, I guess they were right.

7:12am Some jazzy female singer is belting out "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town" and a collective sigh of annoyance can be heard 'cross the floor.

7:30am The "Island of Misfit Toys" song, from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer," comes on and I reminisce about my previous job...

By 8:00am, at least half of my co-workers have their headphones on, tapping their toes to a beat that doesn't match the piped-in music. I decide to endure it just a little longer and commiserate with those who don't own iPods.

8:10am Rosemary Clooney's version of "Snow" pierces our ears like an untrained clerk at a Claire's Boutique. Lorraine says "isn't she George Clooney's mother?" I say "Well, first of all she's no longer with us but second, she was his aunt" (pronounced "ant"). Lorraine says, "oh, his aunt" (pronounced "aunt").

8:22am Some Clay Aiken holiday song begins playing and I hear co-workers wondering out loud who it is that's singing. I decide NOT to let them know that I know who it is.

8:29am we're forced to hear Stevie Nicks' version of "Silent Night" for at least the 8th time since the day after Thanksgiving. I can hear people discussing the multiple breakups and reunions of Fleetwood Mac. I had no idea that my co-workers had even heard of Fleetwood Mac.

8:35am Whitney Houston shares her rendition of "Do You Hear What I Hear." Before it's over, "Joe" say, out loud, "I'll tell you what I hear, I've heard enough." I walk to the printer and see that his headphones are now pressed tightly against his ears.

8:42am I stick it out for Karen Carpenter's "Merry Christmas Darling." Lorraine says "isn't she the one who died of anorexia?" I say "yes she is and you mentioning anorexia makes me feel hungry." I break out a yogurt as Karen sings the last few lines and I finally give in - I join the majority of my co-workers who are now donning pretty white necklaces (iPod earbuds). I hit the shuffle button on my beloved MP3 player and wouldn't you just know it - Sarah McLachlan's rendition of "Silent Night" is randomly first on the play list...