Up or Down?

Personally, I prefer it down when not in use, the toilet seat AND lid that is. And now it’s become a necessity in our home since our cat, Rumi, likes to get his morning gulp of water from the bathroom sink by jumping from the toilet to the vanity. I’m pretty sure his furry 20 pounds would swiftly sink to the bottom of the bowl if he were to miss the fact that the seat, or even just the lid, had accidentally been left in the upright position.

I’ve never understood why toilet seats and lids get left up in the first place? Please, if you have any insight on this, do share. What’s the big deal; you do your business and you close the lid, simple as that. Why do commodes even have lids if they weren’t meant to be closed?

Now I understand that people with dogs might leave the lid up for a different, perhaps legitimate, reason. A dog drinking out of the toilet is gross to me, but never having owned a dog, I can’t say that I wouldn’t give in and allow it if that’s what my sweet little puppy doggie wanted. Heck, I’m letting the dang cat drink from the bathroom sink faucet so who am I to talk about what’s gross.

I don’t watch a ton of television, but when it is on, I’m likely to end my channel surfing when I find a home improvement type show, usually something on HGTV. By the way, did I ever mention that my youngest sister’s house was featured on an episode of "Restore America"? She was interviewed, as were my parents, and I have it on tape if anyone ever wants to come over for some popcorn and a private viewing. Anyway, I had been noticing recently that when bathrooms are being filmed for television, the toilet seat and lids are always closed. Then, just as I got ready to write this, I saw a toilet with the lid up! It was on that HGTV show called "National Open House" where realtors in three different cities show you what you can get for $150,000 all the way up to $1 million. I can't recall now which city they were in but it was a young couple with no kids and a dog. Hmmm...now we're back to that dog topic again. I better get the "scoop" on a number of things before I let Doc. B. even think about getting us a puppy...

Speaking of toilets, have you ever had someone you didn't know come into your home and "use" your bathroom? We have. No, it wasn't some homeless person from off the street. They generally make use of any number of Porta-Johns that are scattered about the neighborhood due to the constant renovations. In fact, pretty much every Saturday morning, there is a bicycle parked at the outhouse across the street. Hey, being regular is important and when you gotta go, you gotta go. And that leads me back to my original point, strangers using your toilet when they gotta go. Ever since our house was renovated, we've had people asking to come in and see the work. Normally I just love it when that happens and am thrilled to share the great job our contractors pulled off. Well, one couple tracked down our phone number after seeing a magazine article about the work that Small Carpenters at Large did on our home. The couple only lived about a half mile away and they were fixing up their kitchen. They were particularly interested in seeing our kitchen cabinets, so we arranged for them to stop by on a Saturday morning. Right about the time they were due to show up, we see a couple with a CHILD AND A BABY STROLLER walking up to the house. They never said anything about their ADD, ADHD, not yet Ritalin-laced, six year old Indigo Child, let alone a baby. I faked a smile and invited them in for the tour. Finally, after the six year old had put his hands all over one two many things, including the last straw, the dad became a mind reader and decided to take the kids out to the front porch while the mother finished looking at the kitchen. So, while we're standing there admiring the craftsmanship, the mother puts her hand on her stomach and says, "oh my, I must have eaten something at breakfast that didn't agree with me; could I use your bathroom". Well, what was I going to say - "no, go across the street and use that Porta John"? Needless to say, the home tour ended shortly after she emerged from the restroom reporting that she was feeling much better.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for doing business with Doc. B. and me. As you prepare yourselves for flushing, please also remember to return your toilet seat and lid to the downright position. Flotation devices sold separately (okay, this last part was my inner ten year old boy coming out to play - too much talk of children I guess).